Peer-reviewed comments for Roxanne’s Presentation

April 16, 2010
By Haeun_Kim


14 Responses to “ Peer-reviewed comments for Roxanne’s Presentation ”

  1. caroline on April 16, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    What are you making? If it is a true typo animation, how would that much text be attractive to that age??
    What is the narrative? If you don’t want to draw find material you can use such as photos or … something!

  2. Chris Choi on April 16, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    I liked the facts and ideas you presented but I think you should practice a bit on presenting facing forwards because you are soft spoken, you need to throw your voice even more.

    Also, if you want to appeal to a young/very young audience, you might want to consider more visuals over motion graphics/moving texts.

    You want to focus on a highly visual interface with elements that are centered on graphics, whether they be motion or static.

  3. Kelly_Nichols on April 16, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    What’s on the document that is targeted at adults? How will this information be adapted to the new, child-oriented format? Will some of the original information be excluded? If so, what? Will new information be introduced? If so, what?

    Look for precedents from other animators and film makers who target children. Perhaps there’s a better format through which to communicate this to children?


    I like the idea of using Serin and Yina’s Brave Bear. Perhaps you could speak with them more about how that character is evolving just to make sure that you’re all on the same page.

    I’m not sure the word play of “match stick” and “boxing match” is going to be read well by children. Perhaps it could, but it would need some massaging of the text as it stands.

  4. Mathan_Ratinam on April 16, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    The diagram overlapping the three areas of Red Cross, Children and Fires works well in describing you interest.

    Your three goals for the films (smoke alarm, fire fighters and lighters) are good but unclear how you might do that. You mention that it going to be a text based animation, but is that the best way to communicate to the kids? For example how would you describe a fireman through text?

    I would return to the comments made to

    We were hoping for much more progress to have been made on the project. By next week we’d like to have that presented in class, for a ‘take 2′ of the presentation. Your project walks a fine line here and its not all that easy to do.

    comments for presentation – Take 2:

    The footage based you tube videos is too disturbing an the animated is too cartoonish (slapstick, comedy and abstract). So what level of the understanding do 6-9 year olds have and how will they best understand this and learn from it, rather than just be disturbed or find it funny?

  5. Tanya_Kumar on April 16, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    You need to focus on who you are targeting and do some research on what younger audiences are attracted to and what they respond to. You don’t have to do a full animation, but it’s better to stay away from typography and focus on picture-based information. Even a booklet would work if you don’t want to work with After Effects or Maya or any of those programs.

  6. serin inan on April 16, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    I think first you have to be more precise about your concept.
    I also think you should start on thinking the format of the project and the target audience.
    For me your presentation is unclear, i had hard time to understand what you are aiming to do.

  7. Yina_Ma on April 16, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    One thing I wrote about the presentation file:

    1 On the “Problem” Page, the text overlaps the image. You might want to change that. It’s hard to read them on that page.

    About your project:

    1 Why do you choose the age group “under 10-year-old”? As the game I did in last semester, my audience age range was from 9 – 14. However, the guests said that there is a big difference between “teen” and “tween”, so they wanted me to specific the target audience. So, I kind of want to know why you make 10 as a standard. Probably because children at that time think more complex and deeply. Just curious.

    2 As I said in class, you might want to use our bear to explain the meaning and your idea when symbols or real stuffs are shown on the screen at the same time. It might be more interesting for your audience.

    Thank you^oo^

  8. Kristopher on April 23, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    I agree that the current precedents don’t seem to be aimed towards children, at least they don’t seem accessible or approachable via children.

    The idea of the cartoon is good but I think the message still needs to be massaged and fine-tuned. There are similar precedents you could look at such as Smokey the Bear and MacRuff the Crime Dog. Both of them have mini-episodes (no more than 3 to 5 minutes, most being within a minute and a half) with messages just as grand as yours but are more easily understood by children.

  9. Julynn_Benedetti on April 23, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    In your precedents, you seemed concerned that the videos that are currently out there use some pretty aggressive scare tactics, but it seems like Mr. Matches is pretty scary too.

    I think it would be better if you worded the title, “Don’t Get in a Match with Mr. Matches!”

    Where were you thinking about using this video? Is it a PSA that would potentially run on television, or do you see it more as a web video? Oh, oops, you already answered this question.

    I like the idea that you are including Brave Bear. It’s nice that there is consistency between the projects.

  10. Rhiannon_Fox on April 23, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    some of your examples were good with showing what is already out their that is not working for the children. You defined the problem well but could still develop it more with why it is dangerous for the children. also you need to pick examples that already target your age group!

    Your story board shows us well what you are going to animate, but it could be a little too violent in the middle bit.
    Are you going to have a voice over in the animation or is it only going to be music?
    Research a time that would be appropriate to air this PSA.

  11. Nora_Gecan on April 23, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    You made some good critiques of the preceding PSA’s, and incorporating Brave Bear is a great idea. Some of your language (“Do not match Mr. Matches.”) is a little confusing. Make sure your slogan makes sense.

    You chose a program that airs on weekday at 9:30, but kids will be in school at that time. I’d shoot for Saturday morning cartoons, early morning programs, or evening programs.

  12. Chris_Choi on April 23, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    The presentation was clearer this time around with more solid precedents that help contrast with the direction you are taking with your illustrative style in your storyboards. I wasn’t quite sure if you will continue to use this graphic approach to the actual motion graphic final piece or if you will go with a different execution. I do like the “sketched” look of the characters in your narrative. Also as someone mentioned, it’s important to note the time of airing a PSA geared towards children to choose a relevant time, like when they come home from school.

  13. Nadiah on April 23, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    If you could explore a more educational, straight-forward way for kids not to play with matches, I think that could provide a contrast to the effects that could almost verge on disturbing in the test animatic. Such as the words “Hurt”, “Burn”.

    The merge with Brave Bear is good.
    Try and work together to get the consistent approach or stance.

  14. George_Bixby on April 23, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    When discussing your precedents, I think you could have better explained how you felt that they failed, and how your project will be different. It was also difficult to get a sense of what their message was from either the video still frames, or from your description of them. The image of the burning child, whether real or not, was a little grotesque, and I’m not sure it sets the best tone for your presentation.

    The actual animatic you presented seemed straightforward and I think the overall narrative was clear, but the language could use a little fine-tuning. However, the look and feel of the images, and the tone of the narrative seemed appropriate for the age range and subject matter.